hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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