whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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