Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
