Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize