go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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