I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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