Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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