There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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