Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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