Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
