the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize