I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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