Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
