apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
