hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
