I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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