Girls should come with a carfax report
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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