Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
