I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
