I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
