I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
