So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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