I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Randomize
