does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
