please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
