do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
