I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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