All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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