i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
