508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
