Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
