Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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