Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
