Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
