Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
