It's like God shit irony all over that family
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
