I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
