I hate all girls vehemently.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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