Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Text me some of your sweat
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
