I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
