You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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