im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
