she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It was confusing and full of hummus
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
