how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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