from now on my penis is your penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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