apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
