I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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