i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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