He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Sacagawea was the original milf.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
