You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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