Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
