shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
