when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
