Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
