You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
