youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
