is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
