Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
