yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
