Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
