I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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