It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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