I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
