I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize