Betty ford says i'm here all night
love makes seman taste better
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
