We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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