if you like me you must not know who I am
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
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