did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
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