Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
