dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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