So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
