You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ttyl tear gas
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
