Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
