It's like God shit irony all over that family
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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