I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
