Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
