sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
